Gerbilprobe.com is live!

February 16, 2017 at 8:04 am (Art, Bizarro, Death, Music, News, Parody, Personal, Politics, Review, Theatre, Work)

Yes friends and fans, after years of neglect by yours truly, gerbilprobe.com has been completely re-designed from the ground up and is live! The lovely Sauda Namir helped bring it to the modern internet age with a slick new design that is responsive, cool and easy to update. Check out my music, writing, performance and everything in between all in one place. Let us know what you think after you click around a little while!

http://www.gerbilprobe.com

(The media empire of Michael Allen Rose!)

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Us vs. Them: Round 1

December 30, 2009 at 8:27 am (Music, Work) (, , , )

The music floats into my office through the open door. I keep it open because I don’t want to seem unapproachable. She’s singing along to it, the receptionist in the rolly-chair. It’s praise music. I fire up my last.fm account, randomize it to play my library and hit play. This battle will be epic.

ROUND 1

Hers: “Praise him. PRAAAAAISE him! He is RISEN!”

Mine: “I got an F and a C, and I got a K too, and the only thing that’s missing is a bitch like U…”

Hers: “Hallelujah, he is risen!”

Mine: “You wanted perfect? I got your perfect, now I’m too perfect for someone like you. What’s my name? What’s my name? Ha ha, ha ha. Hold the S, because I am an ‘ain’t.'”

ANALYSIS:

Jesus rose up early in round 1 and was roundly praised by the crowd for his magical dance moves and fancy footwork. The crowd was excited to see him back for another fight.

Marilyn Manson comes in to represent the other corner, and boy is he mad. He comes out swinging with some trash talk, and calls out his opponent using some somewhat shaky wordplay.

Jesus lands a right cross, rising once again. His hovering certainly throws his opponents off. It looks like it’s time for the Hallelujah! He’s setting up for his finishing move! And…

No, Manson counters with the “too perfect.” Manson is now officially too perfect for Jesus, despite all the rising that’s going on in the ring. Christ can’t touch his pasty goblin ass! And…

It’s over! Evil wins Round 1! And they are celebrating. Look at that showboating: “What’s my name? What’s my name?” How about “Poor sportsmanship!?” We’ll be back after the break for round 2.

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I jumped a tax-bracket.

August 8, 2008 at 11:34 am (Personal, Work) (, )

Yuppie = Me.

And I love it.

I’ve been temping at a lovely little development for the past 8 months, dilligently working away at whatever tasks they gave me. I noticed as the months wore on that little by little, more responsibility was being given to me, which I took as a sign that I was becoming a genuine cog in this crazy machine. Lo and behold…

I got my offer letter.

They consider me a “talent,” or so they say, so they’ve offered me an actual administrative assistant position with the company. Not only does it come with a lot more money, but it also comes complete with a full benefits package (health and dental, vacation time, 401k, all that good stuff)! The best thing of all? It won’t impact my artistic life in any negative way… I still have ALL my evenings and weekends off, and now I’ll actually be able to take a day or two off here and there with pay to make that time count!

Good things come to those who wait (and know when to play their cards). Don’t believe me? Listen to Kenny Rogers:

You got to know when to hold em’
Know when to fold em’
Know when to walk away, and know when to run…
You never count your money
When you’re sittin’ at the table
They’ll be time enough for countin’… when the dealin’s done.

I’m comin’ up aces, Kenny. Word.

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The inevitability of informational trancendence

August 22, 2005 at 10:52 pm (Personal, Theatre, Work)

First of all, I apologize to those few people who care for my lack of posts in the past few weeks. Things have been occurring at an extremely rapid pace, and I find myself reeling in the wake of all the changes life has brought me as of late. I suppose I should begin at the beginning, go through the middle until the end, and then stop, as that’s how most stories go.

I got to school the other day for grad orientation. In our Theatre dept. all the grad students must be there for workshops, policy changes, introductions to the new students and other such happenings. Several people needed to speak with me all at once, which was a bit disconcerting. Turns out that they’ve completely changed my assistantship.

I’m teaching a section of Theatre 101, Theatre Insight, which is an overview of the whole of being a theatrical artist. Interesting subject matter, but the terror in my heart springs more from the lack of experience teaching than the lack of information on the subject. Of course I know more than them… of course I can talk in front of people… but every time I close my eyes, I imagine them as angry pirates who want to pillage me.

The second part of my duties this year include the position of House Manager for the McLeod Theatre. This was interesting news, as such jobs are highly coveted and quite an honor to receive. I’m the fellow you see in the lobby shaking hands, kissing babies, putting out fires and pointing ushers toward confused patrons! I’m looking forward to the PR opportunities there, but of course that adds another brand new experience to my acclimation process this semester.

The teaching was still terrifying even as I walked in to the classroom for the first time today. 55 students, about half of which were there when I walked in, were waiting for me to impart grandiose wisdom on them, or at least looking for an easy A. I tried to explain while going through the syllabus that this is not an easy A class. I hope that they believed me, although somehow I doubt it.

For the first half of class, I was hyper aware of my own nervousness, which made for a lot of pacing back and forth, the occasional “uhhh” and a good deal of confused note-checking by yours truly. I definitely need to work on my classroom confidence, or they’ll smell the fear and eat me alive. Happily, once we got going, they paid attention and were generally participatory.

One group near the back of the room was working together on my “What is theatre?” exercise. A couple of guys who looked like they’d rather be in metal shop, and an Mtv princess type — or so I thought. After going through most of the answers, I called upon them to answer whether or not my walking into class that day with bright red hair and asking them questions about the nature of theatre was indeed “theatre.” They surprised me with an excellent answer: “Yes, because I’m standing in front of an audience and conveying information or emotion.” THE MESSAGE. YES YES YES. I’m starting to look forward to this? Well well…

One source of amusement for me was looking out on the crowd and seeing three or four freshman girls in various parts of the room paying rapt attention while I talked. They looked at me with doe eyes and cute smiles that told me all about why they were paying attention to me. At least they’re paying attention, even if it’s for the wrong reasons. One of them was her group’s spokesperson and they also did the question about me lecturing (what is theatre) and she said it was… because there was costume to it (my shirt and hair) and I was entertaining the audience… then she said “And you’re… arousing…” I stopped. The class stopped. Then we all laughed. She continued: “Arousing… interest in your students!” The poor thing looked pretty embarrassed, but it was pretty funny.

That’s where I’m at… my own classes start tomorrow. More stories to come, I’m sure…

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