Gerbilprobe.com is live!

February 16, 2017 at 8:04 am (Art, Bizarro, Death, Music, News, Parody, Personal, Politics, Review, Theatre, Work)

Yes friends and fans, after years of neglect by yours truly, gerbilprobe.com has been completely re-designed from the ground up and is live! The lovely Sauda Namir helped bring it to the modern internet age with a slick new design that is responsive, cool and easy to update. Check out my music, writing, performance and everything in between all in one place. Let us know what you think after you click around a little while!

http://www.gerbilprobe.com

(The media empire of Michael Allen Rose!)

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11-year-old got tired of shouting at cars to slow down on his street

July 17, 2008 at 4:47 pm (News, Writing) (, )

(Hey Keith, I’m stealing your news blog format. You’re the old hand at this, of course, but I like stealing. It makes me feel alive.)

LOUISVILLE, Ky. – Landon Wilburn, 11, has a future as a cop – a traffic cop.

(They do say that childhood obesity is on the rise, after all. Insert donut joke.)

The youngster, who used to shout at speeders to slow down as they drove through the Stone Lakes subdivision in Louisville, now has taken matters into his own hands.

(He’s only 11 years old and he’s already shouting at passing cars to slow down in his neighborhood? What it neglects to mention is that his favorite drink is prune juice, he can’t stop watching Matlock, and he hates it when his school friends stand “on his lawn.” Also, doesn’t the quote about him taking matters in his own hands sound kind of sinister? “Landon likes to lay spike-strips and landmines near his house to prove a point…”)

Dressed in a reflective vest, wearing a bicycle helmet and armed with an orange Hot Wheels brand radar gun, he points and records the actual speed of passing traffic.

(Oddly enough, this is also a pretty apt description of the homeless guy near my bus stop who rants about Jesus.)

Landon also carries a flashlight with a built-in siren.

(In case of terrorists.)

“When I saw it happening, I got the biggest kick out of it,” said resident George Ayers, 61. “People were locking up their brakes when they saw him.”

(“Cars skidding all over the road… screaming people running from the wreckage… ah, youth…”)

Many in the subdivision are frustrated that motorists tear through the neighborhood at 55 mph despite signs posting a 25 mph limit.

(Wouldn’t it be nice if we could send a feisty 11-year-old outside to solve all our suburban troubles? “Hey, George won’t paint his fence white like the rest of the block. Let’s get that Landon kid to stand on his lawn and yell until he caves in.”)

Officials said the city will install speed humps in the neighborhood if 70 percent of residents agree and are willing to put up half the money.

(Glad they’re shooting for 70%, because half of Landon’s allowance won’t even pay for the tar.)

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