Us vs. Them: Round 1

December 30, 2009 at 8:27 am (Music, Work) (, , , )

The music floats into my office through the open door. I keep it open because I don’t want to seem unapproachable. She’s singing along to it, the receptionist in the rolly-chair. It’s praise music. I fire up my last.fm account, randomize it to play my library and hit play. This battle will be epic.

ROUND 1

Hers: “Praise him. PRAAAAAISE him! He is RISEN!”

Mine: “I got an F and a C, and I got a K too, and the only thing that’s missing is a bitch like U…”

Hers: “Hallelujah, he is risen!”

Mine: “You wanted perfect? I got your perfect, now I’m too perfect for someone like you. What’s my name? What’s my name? Ha ha, ha ha. Hold the S, because I am an ‘ain’t.'”

ANALYSIS:

Jesus rose up early in round 1 and was roundly praised by the crowd for his magical dance moves and fancy footwork. The crowd was excited to see him back for another fight.

Marilyn Manson comes in to represent the other corner, and boy is he mad. He comes out swinging with some trash talk, and calls out his opponent using some somewhat shaky wordplay.

Jesus lands a right cross, rising once again. His hovering certainly throws his opponents off. It looks like it’s time for the Hallelujah! He’s setting up for his finishing move! And…

No, Manson counters with the “too perfect.” Manson is now officially too perfect for Jesus, despite all the rising that’s going on in the ring. Christ can’t touch his pasty goblin ass! And…

It’s over! Evil wins Round 1! And they are celebrating. Look at that showboating: “What’s my name? What’s my name?” How about “Poor sportsmanship!?” We’ll be back after the break for round 2.

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