You can never go home again…

December 22, 2004 at 2:40 pm (Uncategorized)

I returned to Carbondale Illinois last night after a visit back to the frozen wastes of North Dakota. It was weird being home again… actually, I’ll have to scratch that… it didn’t feel like home at all, which was expected, though still a bit shocking. It did not seem like “returning home” but merely “visiting people I know” which puts me in an odd place.

I don’t feel like I really have a home.

I’ve adapted to Carbondale fairly well I think, and met some interesting and friendly people. There are only a few I feel close to, but I suppose that’s the case anywhere you go. The interesting thing about that is that, as always, my most intimate friends here are the ones who are willing to help me pick my brain about those other people who confuse or otherwise irk me. This is an important function; one I’ve performed many times myself. Rest assured that when I take over the world there will be a handful of people given high ranking cushy government jobs. (Minister of Pudding, anyone?)

Still, I don’t feel that terribly connected, and one thing I know about myself is that I like feeling connected.

Perhaps this is due to a lack of romantic contact here. Besides a few nights of passion, and one fun little impromptu makeout session on my birthday, I haven’t been with anyone on any level beyond friend here — not always because I didn’t want to, but it does indeed take two to tango (or foxtrot, if you prefer).

Adding to this is the fact that I’ve been finding out about all sorts of crushes that people who I no longer have access to have had on me at times. It’s rather annoying to find out that there have been a number of women in my life that have been more than interested, but didn’t say anything. My radar sucks… I wish women were a bit more forward…

I did have a date this past weekend though… which was odd, considering I hadn’t been to Minot ND since summer. A girl I had asked out on a date at the beginning of last summer ended up contacting me. She’d had a boyfriend at the time, and thus would have problems taking me up on my offer. A couple of months ago she contacted me and expressed her regret in not taking me up on my date when she had the chance, so I told her when I was coming back to ND and we made plans.

It was nice… no pressure, no worries… just a fun date, something I haven’t really had in quite some time.

It was nice seeing everyone back home though. Some things had changed, but very little… it was the same small praire city I left half a year ago, and honestly, I don’t miss it. That’s a weird feeling… not missing the place you spent 25 years of your life. Ah well, I’m not going to worry about it.

Hmmm… looking back, this has been a rather tangental entry. I started with something poignant to say and ended up talking about girls.

I guess that’s what you get when you think about sex 24 hours a day.


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